NPR Posturing For A Bailout

NPR, who almost lost its Government endowment earlier this year, is now announcing they are considering making cuts in staff and programming due to lack of funds. Gary Knell (CEO) says corporate underwriting has dropped off steeply this year and NPR has failed to break even three out of the last four years.  The Washington Post would rather have you believe NPR’s problems stem from conservative congressmen wanting to cut funding to the Corporation For Public Broadcasting.  Click and Clack the “Tappet Brothers” were unavailable for comment as they were busy fixing an old jalopy in a neighbors garage.

IPhones Must Be For Stupid People

In the latest Siri commercial, Zooey Deshanel (Zooey. .  Like that’s a real name) needs to ask her phone if it’s raining outside leading us believe the Hollywood . . . whatever she is, is either too lazy to look out the window or too stupid to know what rain is.  She then asks her phone to find a restaurant that delivers tomato soup as if opening a can of soup and warming it on the stove takes super human intelligence she doesn’t possess or. .    That’s one very lazy. . Whatever she is.  Finally, she looks at her messy living room and tells her phone to remind her to clean it . . Tomorrow. Like when she looks at the messy room tomorrow she might not realize it needs cleaning.  It’s intelligence like this that allows Hollywood celebrities to testify in front of congressional hearings about important issues or make movies with a message like the one on fracking.  I just hope Matt Damon has his siri IPhone with him to help him tell us why fracking is evil.

Bad Actor Has Bad Accident

Lenny from TV’s “Laverne And Shirley” was struck by a car yesterday in Manhattan’s upper west side.  It is unclear if the driver of the car hit him on purpose, after suffering bad memories from watching the less than good sit com or it was a real accident.  Lenny received a broken leg and various cuts and bruises in the incident but is expected to make a full recovery.  Lenny’s wife, Annette O’Fool flew in to be at his side.  “He should be back making bad movies in no time,” said his publicist

89 Decibels

Researchers announce today that 89 decibels is the key in deciding if you have a good kid or a bad one.  They are claiming that kids who listen to loud music (over 89 decibels) for at least one hour a day are TWICE as likely to smoke pot. They also say kids that use I pods are more likely to smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol, and have unsafe sex. (YIKES).  Next they will probably be telling us that kids who watch John Travolta movies are SIX TIMES more likely to be perverts. . .  Researchers. . You Gotta love em. .