NPR Posturing For A Bailout

NPR, who almost lost its Government endowment earlier this year, is now announcing they are considering making cuts in staff and programming due to lack of funds. Gary Knell (CEO) says corporate underwriting has dropped off steeply this year and NPR has failed to break even three out of the last four years.  The Washington Post would rather have you believe NPR’s problems stem from conservative congressmen wanting to cut funding to the Corporation For Public Broadcasting.  Click and Clack the “Tappet Brothers” were unavailable for comment as they were busy fixing an old jalopy in a neighbors garage.

Bad Actor Has Bad Accident

Lenny from TV’s “Laverne And Shirley” was struck by a car yesterday in Manhattan’s upper west side.  It is unclear if the driver of the car hit him on purpose, after suffering bad memories from watching the less than good sit com or it was a real accident.  Lenny received a broken leg and various cuts and bruises in the incident but is expected to make a full recovery.  Lenny’s wife, Annette O’Fool flew in to be at his side.  “He should be back making bad movies in no time,” said his publicist

89 Decibels

Researchers announce today that 89 decibels is the key in deciding if you have a good kid or a bad one.  They are claiming that kids who listen to loud music (over 89 decibels) for at least one hour a day are TWICE as likely to smoke pot. They also say kids that use I pods are more likely to smoke cigarettes, drink alcohol, and have unsafe sex. (YIKES).  Next they will probably be telling us that kids who watch John Travolta movies are SIX TIMES more likely to be perverts. . .  Researchers. . You Gotta love em. .

Google Earth Visits Floppotamus

Google Earth cruised by the homestead today to update their street views.  They stopped briefly to peek in the windows and then grabbed a Diet Mt.Dew from the fridge apparently preferring that to a more nutritious un-sweetened cranberry juice that was available.

(Shown Above: Google Earth Camera Car at a local strip club having lunch)

John Travolta Is Revolta

Actor and deep sea flounder John Travolta today endorsed same sex marriages, he went even further asking President Obama if he could be the same sex marriage Czar a position he said would involve observing all same sex marriage activities and even engaging in them in an attempt to better understand the needs of same sexers to report to the Government. . . .  Creepy?. . You Bet!

Pitt of Boredom

In news that should only be considered news to people that are failing to thrive alleged actor and rumored goomba Brad Pitt told reporters there is no wedding date yet.  He also said he was working on a screenplay about his up coming marriage called “I married the mutant daughter of the alien Jon Voight.”

We Have Lift Off

The Falcon 9 rocket blasted off early this morning heading into space and history at the same time. President Obama lost no time giving a speech telling America he was responsible for the amazing and world changing space shot when he gutted NASA funding forcing them to look to the private sector for financing.  In the same speech Obama warned America that private sector space exploration was dangerous to mankind and without Obama regulating them anything could happen.

Goats Are Tough Customers

An Austrian motorist had to call police to report his car had been hijacked…by a goat. The man had been forced to brake as he drove through the countryside when the escaped beast blocked the small country road.  But as he tried to chase the goat away it doubled back, jumped into the car and refused to budge as it began eating his seats.

Finally, the motorist trudged off to a local farm only to be chased off as a suspected burglar. When he called the police, they rounded up local farmhands to remove the ram raider and take him back to his nearby enclosure. “I had to take a picture of the goat because my insurance company would never have believed me,” he said later.